Daily Complaint. Aug 23:
GOP: Hurricane Isaac A Message From God
As journalists nationwide are connecting the dots of dumbness regarding Todd Akin’s connection to Lyin’ Paul Ryan and Mike Huckabee, something important, something directly from God Almighty to the Republican Party, is on its way: Hurricane Isaac.
Yes, just as a mighty preacher named Pat Robertson proclaimed that Hurricane Katrina was a message from God Almighty that America was going down because of gays and Liberals, I am here to proclaim that, because the Republican Party has conducted a war against women, God Almighty has sent Hurricane Isaac to disrupt their all-but-holy convention in a city ironically named Tampa.
And Mike Huckabee, champion of Christian bigotry, is slated to open, well, let’s just call it “the blow-out in Tampa”.
Huckabee has been right out in front regarding Todd Akin’s stunningly idiotic remarks about so-called legitimate rape and its supposed incapability of getting a woman pregnant. It has been suggested in some Liberal circles that what really needs to happen is for Akin himself to experience rape before he makes loud proclamations about women having some kind of secret secretion that makes true rape, whatever that is, a non-starter for pregnancy.
With the wind in his face, Huckabee is going to introduce the sanctimonious and hypocritical Republican Party platform to the nation. What better time for God Almighty to show His displeasure?
When the Northeast flooded during Spring, Pat Robertson was the first to proclaim that God had told him that it happened to punish all the “secular liberals” in Washington D.C.—even as hundreds of thousands lost their homes due to an act of Nature more than likely connected to global warming than to someone’s ideological or political leanings.
But it doesn’t matter to the fundamentalists who have put the “mental” into fundamentalism. Every time there is a disaster, one of those human Nunchucks is always around a commercial media camera to allege that the eruption of Mount Saint Helens was because of the sinful ways of Seattle, or that Hurricane Rita was due to whatever Hurricane Rita was due to, and on and on ad infinitum.
How come a hurricane hasn’t blown-away the Vatican for all the pederast Catholic priests? How come a hurricane—or at least a tornado—wasn’t around to knock the crap out of Senator David Vitter because he sanctimoniously called-out “deviants” while he was schtupping prostitutes, even while married?
And what about Jim Baker? Or Marcus Bachmann? Or Michele Bachmann? Or all the other conservative, neoconservative and even Libertarians who have committed unconscionable crimes?
How come God never punishes them?
Well now, it’s obvious that He is getting ready to throw a wall of salt water at the chumps. Why? Because of the Republican Party’s reward the rich, punish the poor and borrow and spend policies. Because Mitt Romney won’t release 10 years of tax returns. Because Lyin’ Ryan wants to redefine rape to make abortion illegal. Because the Republicans would be so arrogant to claim that God is on their side. Because the Republicans always put profit ahead of people. Because Republicans want to destroy Medicare and privatize Social Security. Because of the Republicans’ free market policies that led to the 2008 downturn. Oh, there are so many reasons God Almighty would throw a hurricane at them. Because of Glenn Beck–period. See ya in Hell, Republicans….
Can’t wait to see this on TV. While we were all hoping the anarchist group, Black Bloc, was going to do some damage—it looks like they’re getting some help from the Lord.